Sometimes we take jokes too far and hurt people’s feelings. I know, because I have done it. My family was sitting around the dinner table in the home of my mother and stepfather, Becky and Howell Pruett. We were enjoying a holiday meal together at Christmas. I can’t remember exactly what I said, but I know that I was joking about some activity I disliked or mistake of my mother’s when I was a child.
It could have been how she used to drag me to yard sales at six in the morning when I was a sleepyhead teenager. I won’t go to a yard sale to this day! Or I was probably STILL ragging her about when I was in high school and she ate my Bojangles leftovers that I had been thinking about ALL DAY. You know what I’m talking about. My Cajun pintos were gone, and I still haven’t forgiven her. LOL.
Anyway, I jokingly said something, but it seemed to hit a tender point. My mom replied,
“Children seem to remember the five things you did wrong as a parent and forget the ninety-five things you did right.”
I believe the opposite is also true. Parents remember and regret the five things they did wrong, and forget the ninety-five they things they did right. I know that has been true for me. I remember overreacting, yelling, and not behaving like Jesus, and I forget the twenty years that I have sacrificially served my children.
Our mistakes stare us down and tell us that we are/were a failure.
After we returned home from Christmas vacation, my mother’s comment stuck with me. As I pondered it, I felt God was leading me to write something.
Not a poem.
Not a blog post.
Not a song.
But a list.
A list of ninety-five things my mother did well.
I spent a couple of hours at Port City Java mining my childhood memories and adulthood looking for ways my mom modeled how to live and how she served her family. I mostly remember little things that she had done for me that made a big impact. And big things that she did for me that were hard. Really hard.
When you are a child you don’t realize the sacrifice your parents are making on your behalf. It had never even struck me that during the difficult, teenage years, my mother raised me as a single parent. And I might be sweet and good now, but I was difficult then. For sure. My mom would agree.
I worked on my list until I hit ninety-five. And then I kept going. Once I started down a path of gratitude and thankfulness and admiration, it was hard to stop. As I looked for the good in my mother, I found a whole lot of it. She was a good mother.
I quickly passed one hundred. Then, I shared the list with my husband for him to add his perspective. He’s been a part of our family for over half of my life, so he has observed my mother’s life as much as I have. He found some more good things. It was hard, but I pared down my list to ninety-five.
I mailed her the list in February, and there were tears. Later in the month, we were talking about funerals and she asked me to share the eulogy at hers. I was floored, and told her that I wasn’t sure if I could. She said,
“You can just read the ninety-five things I did well.”
I encourage you to make a similar list for your mother. It is guaranteed to make her cry.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I truly love you.
The 95 things my mother did well:
- Tucked me in at night, saying ”Good night, sweet dreams, I love you”
- Took me to the Christmas Show
- Was very careful with my Gregory’s peanut allergy
- Let me come and eat some snacks and dessert when she had her friends over for bridge
- Spent my college fund on my 1989 red Toyota Corolla
- Has been an amazing grandmother
- Repeatedly told me that I was a good mother
- Lavishly celebrated my achievements by hanging all my certificates
- Gave me roses on my 6th grade graduation
- Surprised me with a 18th birthday party
- Passed along her love of old ladies
- Paid for my wedding reception
- Baked all my favorite cookies at Christmas
- Took me to church
- Let me raid her closet
- Bought me a Dorothy’s Originals bedspread and made me promise to make up my bed
- Gave Brian and me an engagement party
- Didn’t kill me when I got an 81 mph in a 55 mph speeding ticket
- Always asked what food I wanted to eat when I came home
- Took me to the Clinique counter when I was 13
- Slept in the bed with me and held my hand when I was sick
- Made beautiful dresses for me when I was little
- Took lots of family pictures and made albums with them
- Enjoyed the Azalea Festival Garden Tour with the kids and me
- Sat up all night long taking care of my sick son
- Took me on vacations to Myrtle Beach, DC, Amish Country, & the Outer Banks
- Let me stand up in the car sunroof to take pictures at Gettysburg
- Forgave me
- Loved me when I was hard to love
- Visited colleges with me
- Furnished my first apartment
- Gave me two navy blue leather love seats
- Took care of my young children so Brian and I could travel
- Created beautiful homes for me to grow up in
- Helped me haul all my stuff up 8 floors to my dorm room
- Pulled some strings to land me at job at NCSU Merit Awards Office
- Took beautiful flowers to decorate the cross at St. Johns UMC
- Taught me how to make chili
- Took me to summer camps
- Signed me up to be a Mint Hill cheerleader
- Invited my dad and step-mom to dinner after Hurricane Hugo
- Paid her respects to my deceased grandmother
- Gave me Pearl
- Helped me to hang pictures in all of my homes (including my dorm room!)
- Purchased the mountain house
- Worked hard so that I could have what I needed
- Took me to Jesse Helms’ office
- Drove me to Lancaster to get a rabbit
- Bought me gobs of new but discounted clothes at Belk buying service sales
- Was the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy
- Paid for me to have braces and picked me up from school when I was in pain
- Took me to a plastic surgeon to have two large moles that embarrassed me removed
- Gave me my first computer
- Passed along lots of plants and her green thumb
- Traveled 4-5 hours to visit my family and me
- Went to Bojangles with Brian and me after my Phi Beta Kappa induction
- Sat in traffic in McAdenville to see the Christmas lights
- Rode the Ferris Wheel and watched pig races with me at the State Fair
- Taught me to cross stitch
- Loved my creations and gave me the confidence to start a Note Card business
- Taught me the value of hard work (“Lisa, please….”) and paid me to clean house
- Was brave enough to attend my clapping, loud, charismatic churches
- Comforted me when I was mugged
- Bought my dancewear at Lebos every year
- Gave me her 1984 Buick Regal Limited with electric windows and locks
- Invited my black friends from high school over for a nice dinner
- Sent me cards. Lots of cards.
- Told me she loved me.
- Made sacrifices as a single mother
- Thanked me for calling (an inside joke)
- Passed along incredible genes so that I would be short, shapely, and have great skin
- Splurged to buy me Gunnie Sax dresses
- Went all out to decorate for Christmas
- Gave me my first job and paid me well
- Celebrated my husband’s career accomplishments
- Loved Frances and Ivy along with me
- Took my daughter out for “Girl’s day”
- Snuggled in the bed with Gregory and listened to him talk LEGO talk
- Introduced me to Manheim Steamroller, Neil Diamond, and George Winston
- Bought tickets to see Canadian Brass and The Young Messiah
- Made me coffee in a small Tupperware cup, complete with milk and sugar
- Surprised me with strawberry salad without nuts and sour cream
- Flew me to Florida to go to Walt Disney World
- Had a table at the St John’s UMC yard sales
- Let me drive her fancy red Saab that had a car phone and sunroof
- Made me the Claims Administrator of her business
- Celebrated my cottage garden and took lots of pictures of it
- Chose to try again after she had a miscarriage
- Shared her birthday with me
- Put up with my phobia of bees and wasps
- Fed my children Oreos and sweet tea at 10 am
- Helped me to push down my ice cream from Baskin Robbins
- Married a kind and generous, Pruett-izing man (who was behind many of the ways my mom has served us)
- Came to my children’s dance recitals and plays
- Cried when she hugged me to tell me goodbye. Every. Single. Time.
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