Category Archives: Friends

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I didn’t know I needed a friend

Lately I have been thinking about friendships. Don’t we all long for a good friend? Through the years, my friendships have been feast or famine. There have been times when I was satisfied and content with my circle of friends. There were times when I took a new job in order to find friends. And there were times – lots of times – when I felt like I had no friends.  In those times, I needed a friend.

The past few years have been good for me friendship-wise. I have a small circle of close friends, and then a wider circle of women that I have mentored or have ministered to who have become friends. Spending time together does that! So I have felt full, and blessed, and thankful for my friendships.

I was not looking for a new friend. I didn’t think I needed a new friend. I definitely did not have time for a new friend!

But God thought differently.

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You didn’t really mean to reject ME, did you?

“Today is going to require a lot of makeup,” I thought as I sat at my makeup mirror.  A couple that we knew had deeply wounded me by rejecting me.  This was not just a minor bruise…I cried for 5 days.  I even woke my husband up one morning, sobbing.  And on this day I was going to see them for the first time at a social gathering.  I was so broken that I wanted to stay home, but why delay the inevitable.

So I pulled out my purple eyeliner, purple mascara, and hot pink lip gloss.  My goal was to use lots of makeup and to put a happy face to mask my quivering heart.

reject

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Giving our friends permission to be imperfect

At times, it looks like my walk-in closet has exploded all over my bathroom. There are shirts laying on the tub. Tank tops on the rugs. And two or three hangers of pants on the door knob.

Have you ever planned to wear a certain outfit, and when you put it on, it just didn’t work? Then you begin the mad dash of figuring out something else to wear.  You also have to decide which shoes to wear and what color jewelry matches your outfit.  Since you are now running late, you don’t have time to clean up after yourself as you try on outfit after outfit.

permission to be imperfect

As you rush out the door, you leave clothes strewn behind you. And most likely you leave your peace behind as well. (more…)

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A true friend is one who chooses you

She has every reason not to like me. She’s known me for almost 30 years so I’ve given her LOTS of reasons. When she was my college roommate in the early 90s, I left her corrective Post-it notes when the dishes weren’t done and when the tea pitcher left brown stains on the counter. As my friend, she has to tolerate my need to plan and schedule and feel in control. She eats where I want to eat and meets when I want to meet and she has to bend to my OCD-like whims and boundaries.

But since I’ve been 18, my best friend Nicole has chosen me. Recently when we met for lunch, she reminded me, “I choose you.”

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I want to live more than I want to be in heaven

This story begins, like many of my blog posts, with me worshiping on my knees. My early morning prayer on that Sunday morning was that I would encounter God during our church service, so I was intently worshiping and praying.  I was not thinking about where I would eat lunch!  I did not have any particular prayer requests or pressing needs, so I focused my mind and simply praised God.

And then, out of nowhere, a thought bubbled up in my spirit. It caught me by surprise. From deep within my spirit, this desire voiced itself:

“I want to live.”

want to live

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Lessons I learned from a neighborhood tragedy

I heard a loud knocking at my door. “Have you seen Bill and Jane?” my neighbor frantically asked. “No,” I replied.  She explained,”They didn’t show up for lunch with their children today and they aren’t coming to the door or answering their phones. We’ve called 911.”

I slowly shut the door while a chill went down my spine. I started to pray.

Soon, a group of concerned neighbors had gathered on the driveway of Bill and Jane’s home, my husband among them. Looking through the upstairs window, I saw the unfamiliar van of Bill and Jane’s son in the driveway. And soon, I saw the Sheriff arrive. I prayed even harder. And then I saw my husband walking home.

Standing in our kitchen, he relayed to me the tragic news. Jane was found dead in the home. Bill was alive, but he had fallen and was unable to get up. An ambulance was on its way to transport him to the hospital.

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Could it be true? Am I lovable?

We almost collided with each other in the ladies bathroom entrance. I was headed out, and my friend Alisha was headed in. Happy to run into each other, we started to talk. We continued our conversation as we left the church building, joined by Alisha’s friend, Jonathan. We hugged, said goodbye, and headed in different directions.

As she was walking away, Alisha said something to Jonathan that I overheard:

“I just LOVE her.”

lovable

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Your heart is the most vulnerable in the hands of a friend

“Today is going to require a lot of makeup,” I thought as I sat at my makeup mirror. A husband and wife at my church, people I had considered friends, had rejected me.  They were leaders in my church and I both respected and trusted them.  This was not just a minor bruise…I cried for 5 days. I even woke my husband up one morning, sobbing.

These beloved friends had deeply wounded my heart.  In short, my heart hurt.  

And on this Sunday morning I was going to see them for the first time since it happened. I was so broken that I wanted to stay home, but why delay the inevitable. So I put on a flashy shirt, lots of lip gloss, and a fake smile to mask my quivering heart.

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How to be a trustworthy and loyal friend

“If you tell Lisa something, are you sure that she will not tell others?” the pastor asked his wife.  They were dealing with a tricky church situation that could turn into a huge mess.  Gossip needed to be minimized so that the situation could be dealt with privately.  “Oh yes, Lisa is a vault.”   This pastor’s wife trusted me with her secrets.  I was her friend.  She knew that I would pray for her and not gossip about her.

I can’t imagine what it is like to be a pastor’s wife.  Your husband has a job in full-time ministry and is putting in more than a 40 hour workweek.  Yet somehow the wife must also meet the many expectations of the church. She should lead the ladies ministry, graciously entertain church members at home, never show anger or weakness, and serve tirelessly.  I’ve heard that is a lonely position, as the wife has few trusted friends in whom to confide when she is struggling.

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The day I almost lost my mind

Shame had kept me silent. Few people knew the intense battle I had been having with panic attacks. Not even my pastor was privy to the emotional upheaval that existed in my mind. My doctor knew because he was prescribing the medications that were helping me to function. But fear of judgment had kept me from telling people how bad it really was.

The smallest thing caused me to feel panic. I was scared to take a shower. I was scared to wash my hair (the picture below was not staged). I was scared to fix my breakfast and let the dog go out and fill up my Tervis with ice. Why? Because in previous days, when I had done those things, my body panicked and my pulse raced and my chest felt like I was having a heart attack.

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