Category Archives: Parenting

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Declarations for parents of teenagers

Teenagers often don’t know when to keep their mouths shut.  A few years ago, a teenager boldly told me what their mother thought about me.  And then the teen went on to tell me their mother’s beliefs on parenting, which were very different from how I was raising my children.  The insinuation was this their mother did it the right way, and I did it the wrong way.

Honestly, I was crushed. And confused.  Insecurity joined the party as I questioned every aspect of my motherhood.  When I compared myself to this other mother, I came up wanting.

how to parent teenagers

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Surprisingly, I survived my mid-life crisis

I remember some sage advice given to me in a Target checkout line many years ago. I was a young mother, with an energetic two-year-old daughter and a precocious four-year-old son with autism. My life was crazy, with birthday parties and T-ball games and lots of therapy appointments. As I was frantically trying to hold it all together in line until we could pay for our purchases, an older, wiser woman who was behind me in line uttered something that is a familiar platitude:

“Enjoy it, honey. These are the best years of your life.”

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A message of hope to the “control freak” Mama

My sweet teenage daughter stood in my doorway at 10 pm. I was ready to rest, relax, and entertain my brain after a long day. Love story in hand, I was at peace. Then she dropped a bomb on me, “Mom, I just found out I had to be at the church tomorrow at 4 pm.”

WHAT?

I had already filled out my “To-do” list for the next day, and every time slot had something in it. Errands. Pay bills. Work in garden. Make dinner. Send emails. There was no entry that read, “Drive daughter 30 minutes across town at 4 pm.” My plans disrupted, I could feel all the muscles in my back begin to tense. There went relaxation.

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My son took a piece of my heart with him…

I stuffed the tissue in my pocket knowing that the inevitable was about to happen. As much as I wanted to create a stalling tactic and pause time, I only had a few more minutes with my 19 year old son until I had to tell him goodbye. He was leaving us for a nine week summer job that was five hours away from home. I asked him to find a summer job, and he did. I should have said to find a summer job closer to home!

This is his first time living away from home, and what makes this farewell different than others is we weren’t sure if this day would ever happen. When my son was three years old, he was diagnosed with autism, and all of our hopes and dreams for him were suddenly up in the air.

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Raising a child with a disability is hard, painful, and scary

For 20 years, my family has been on a journey that is different than most families.  My husband and I were young and in love, and the natural consequence of young love is children.  So at the age of 25, I gave birth to a precious baby boy.  That boy was very precocious and he amazed everyone with his giftedness.  No joke, he was reading before he was out of diapers, but he also had social and communication delays that concerned us.  When he was three years old, we contacted our school system and had him evaluated.  He was amazing and gifted, they told us, but they also told us that he had autism.

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Our story of Autism: Treat the symptoms. Love the child.

I spent hours on the computer searching for something, anything, that would undo our son’s autism.

We tried everything we could. We tried nutritional supplements, tried the newest and greatest therapies.  We looked for underlying health problems that could trigger autism.  And by the time he was five years old, I was exhausted, caught in a never-ending battle to find my little boy.

 

Our story of Autism: Treat the symptoms. Love the child.

A friend from church dropped by the house and gave me a sheet a paper with a verse from Hebrews 4:9 on it.

There remains therefore a rest for the people of God.

Oh how I longed for this rest!  I was caught up in a whirlwind of special diets, drawing blood, therapists, and doctors visits.  Could I trade it all for rest?  But what about my son?

God spoke to me clearly, an instruction that would guide the next fourteen years as we parented our child with a disability:

TREAT THE SYMPTOMS.  LOVE THE CHILD.

 

Our story of Autism: Treat the symptoms. Love the child.

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In Spite of Me My Children Turned Out Well

It was a Sunday morning, and my teenage children and I were together at church. My son Gregory was in the worship band, rocking it out on his bass guitar.  He was swaying back and forth, almost dancing, and belting out the song lyrics with a strong confidence.  Later, during communion, I found a quiet place to pray with my daughter Hannah.  I let her pray first, and she prayed so long that I didn’t think I would get to have a turn.  She prayed a beautiful prayer that touched my heart.

It was later in the day as I was relaying these events to my husband that I realized that in spite of myself, my children had turned out well – they are hard workers, they have tender hearts and they unashamedly love Jesus.

In Spite of Me My Children Turned Out Well

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