Category Archives: Rejection

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Sometimes I hide, but people weren’t made to hide

I never wanted to be on Facebook.  In order to be a professional speaker, I was told, I HAD to have a Facebook account and  begin networking with others.  The memory is forever seared in my brain of when a friend came over to help me set up my Facebook account.  I was terrified.

Why was it so hard for me? There were people out there who had hurt me. And I didn’t want to be hurt again.

I am on Facebook because it’s a way that I can reach and encourage others, and let people know about my writing and speaking ministry. But honestly, if I had my druthers, I would hide out at home, like a turtle, never sticking my head out. Alone. And safe.

sometimes I hide

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You didn’t really mean to reject ME, did you?

“Today is going to require a lot of makeup,” I thought as I sat at my makeup mirror.  A couple that we knew had deeply wounded me by rejecting me.  This was not just a minor bruise…I cried for 5 days.  I even woke my husband up one morning, sobbing.  And on this day I was going to see them for the first time at a social gathering.  I was so broken that I wanted to stay home, but why delay the inevitable.

So I pulled out my purple eyeliner, purple mascara, and hot pink lip gloss.  My goal was to use lots of makeup and to put a happy face to mask my quivering heart.

reject

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Bravely Finding the Courage to Just Be Me

In the heart of God, He conceived an idea for a woman would be named Lisa. He created her quirky, optimistic, silly, introverted, and needing to feel in control. It is hard to be her, because people often misunderstand her. So for years, I’ve often  done what was expected of me in order for people to like me. And when I’ve made choices out of self-care and preserving my emotional health, people have been angry with me. Those words have stung.

But I’m growing as a person and finding the courage to just be me. It has resulted in me being really honest lately. And it’s quite scary. Usually I try to be someone other than who I really am because I’ve found that who I truly am is often not good enough for others. I have been rejected because of my personality.

It hurts. Still.

courage to be me

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Why I am absolutely terrified of Facebook Live

The latest trend among bloggers and successful speakers is to host a “Show” on Facebook Live. If you’re not on Facebook, going “Live” means just how it sounds – you are broadcasting a live video from your phone, tablet or computer and your “Friends” on Facebook can see it. It seems that “Facebook Live Shows” are popping up everywhere, but I’m gonna brag a little – I was broadcasting on Facebook long before it became popular.

Two years ago, I taught a Facebook Live Bible study each Thursday morning at 9 am. I taught the book of Hebrews every week for about eight weeks. It was very unnerving and exhilarating to broadcast live. You are very conscious of how you look and if you made a mistake, there’s no going back.  Live means live!

When the Bible study was over, people begged me to teach another one. I vaguely replied, “I’ll think about it.”

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Do you ever feel misunderstood?

I slowly maneuvered the minivan into the driveway, glad to be home. I was in the middle of a conversation with my four year old daughter, Hannah. She was boisterous and fun around me and her friends but but reticent among strangers, especially adults. I wanted her to be bold and confident, like me, so I told her,

“Hannah, you’re NOT shy.”

Barely a second passed before she made her emphatic reply.

But mom, I AM shy. You just don’t understand me.

Do you ever feel misunderstood?

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Could it be true? Am I lovable?

We almost collided with each other in the ladies bathroom entrance. I was headed out, and my friend Alisha was headed in. Happy to run into each other, we started to talk. We continued our conversation as we left the church building, joined by Alisha’s friend, Jonathan. We hugged, said goodbye, and headed in different directions.

As she was walking away, Alisha said something to Jonathan that I overheard:

“I just LOVE her.”

lovable

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Your heart is the most vulnerable in the hands of a friend

“Today is going to require a lot of makeup,” I thought as I sat at my makeup mirror. A husband and wife at my church, people I had considered friends, had rejected me.  They were leaders in my church and I both respected and trusted them.  This was not just a minor bruise…I cried for 5 days. I even woke my husband up one morning, sobbing.

These beloved friends had deeply wounded my heart.  In short, my heart hurt.  

And on this Sunday morning I was going to see them for the first time since it happened. I was so broken that I wanted to stay home, but why delay the inevitable. So I put on a flashy shirt, lots of lip gloss, and a fake smile to mask my quivering heart.

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Were you the one who was always chosen last?

At 4’10” tall, I’m always the littlest one in the crowd.  People often mistake me for a child, even today.  All the way back to elementary school, you could easily find me in the class photographs because I’m the one who was front and center.  Every.  Single. Time.  I have always been smaller than everyone else.

Were you the one who was always chosen last?

First Grade

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I’m working incessantly to make everyone happy

I’ve found a bench in the shade outside my hotel in the red clay state of Georgia.  My husband, two teens, and I have made the trip to the suburb of Atlanta to visit family.  We’ve had breakfast, and I’ve found a secluded, peaceful place to relax and enjoy the rest of my coffee.  The sounds of cars whizzing by on the interstate and the sweet sound of birds join the unanswered questions peppering my soul.

What must I do to make my family happy?
What are they expecting me to do?
Will I make them happy or not?

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How a $50 gift card, given begrudgingly, led to my freedom

The last few months of my life have been filled with some emotional drama.  Conflict that I have had with trusted friends led to my heart being broken.  In my brokenness, I wanted to give up.  Everything.  At times, even my life.  Every day I would hound heaven with questions, trying to understand why I was so broken emotionally.  I sought the Lord for His help and deliverance from this place of unrelenting sadness.

weakness

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