Category Archives: Relationship with God

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I feel so alone. God, where are you?

It was a day where I desperately needed to hear from God. I had been reading my Bible. I had been praying. And I had been worshipping. But I felt far from God, and I did not understand why. I was in a near panic because I was speaking at a retreat in a few weeks, and I NEEDED GOD’S HELP to write my message and then deliver it. This was not a good time for God to seem so far away.  I wondered, “God, where are you?”

There are many times when God seems distant. He definitely feels distant when we have done something wrong and we are ashamed of our sin. Just like Eve in the garden of Eden, we hide from God when we have fallen into temptation and done wrong.  Also, there are times when we are doing everything right, but it feels like our prayers are hitting a glass ceiling. And then there are other times when it feels like our life is crumbling around us, and we ask in bewilderment, “God, where are you?”

God where are you

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How to live with a “Confident Humility”

I vividly remember the hardest Bible study that I have ever taught. I had spent hours preparing all of my research, word studies, and commentary quotes. I had my handouts and professional outfit and props.  But, to my dismay, people asked questions on topics that I didn’t know well, like the end times and rapture.  All of my jokes fell flat. And as I looked out on my audience, all I could see were bored, blank, sleepy faces.

Teaching that Bible study class was like plowing through concrete.  Excruciatingly difficult.

confident humility

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When you have nothing left to offer God

Dear blog readers, I usually have a dozen blog posts ready to go “live” online.  After preparing them, some just sit in WordPress, waiting until the time is right for me to post them.  This blog post is over 18 months old but I think it may encourage one of you, today.   And don’t worry – my sweet boy is feeling just fine now.  And I am good, too!  

I put on my walking shoes on a cool fall morning.  God and I needed to have a talk because I was feeling like a hot mess.  I had believed God for fourteen years for healing for my child’s chronic illness and he was sick again.  To say that I was undone by this turn of events was an understatement.  At first I was really scared.  And then I was very angry.  And after a few weeks of walking through spider webs, I just felt numb.

shoessmall

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Could it be true? Am I lovable?

We almost collided with each other in the ladies bathroom entrance. I was headed out, and my friend Alisha was headed in. Happy to run into each other, we started to talk. We continued our conversation as we left the church building, joined by Alisha’s friend, Jonathan. We hugged, said goodbye, and headed in different directions.

As she was walking away, Alisha said something to Jonathan that I overheard:

“I just LOVE her.”

lovable

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How to rest when your life feels out of control

I live my life by a spreadsheet that tells me what to do each day. It tells me my chores, the phone calls I need to make, what time I need to leave to make it to the doctors office on time, what errands to run, what friends I need to text, and when to rest. Every night I make my schedule for the following day, and the next day I just follow the plan.

My life has been much the same way. I graduated from high school and went off to college. Then I graduated from college and got a job. Next I got engaged, then married and had 2.0 children. I became a stay at home mom and homeschooled them. Then they went to college and left me…with an empty nest.

And with absolutely no plan for what to do next.

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Does Jesus feel at home in your heart?

How would people describe your home? Friends describe my home as homey, cozy, and peaceful.

As you walk into my foyer, you are welcomed by warm, golden walls and a room filled with cranberry red accents. My plaid couch is as old as my 20 year son, and the slight fraying just adds to its personality. You can sit on that comfy couch and put your feet up on my dented coffee table. You can reach over and grab the afghan that will warm you up on a cold day.

Let’s turn on the gas logs, plug in the twinkling lights on the mantle, and light a few candles. You will hear the sound of peaceful music through the speakers, see the light streaming in through the skylights, and hear the soothing sounds of water in the fountain.

Welcome home.

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We are driven by a relentless pursuit of peace…

Surrounded by towering pines and hardwoods, I’m safe in the embrace of nature. Its 50 degrees outside in June, so I’m ensconced in three layers of clothing and a warm blanket. The steam from my coffee rises to greet my nose and its heat warms my hands. The birds are singing in the trees and the sun is rising, highlighting the towering mountain in the distance. I could sit on this screened porch in the mountains forever.

But there is a discontent in my heart that disturbs the perfect peace that surrounds me.

Even though I have a beautiful home and a lovely garden and amazing friends in my coastal hometown of Wilmington, NC, I don’t want to live there. I want to live here, in the serene mountains of North Carolina.

My heart longs for the peace that I feel here.

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I’m confused…am I a Do-er or a Daughter?

I’m in a quandary. I will share my quandary with you through this blog post, but I’m going to present a disclaimer up front: I won’t wrap this blog post up with a tidy bow and all the answers. I haven’t found the answers yet, but I have a feeling that many of you might find yourselves in the same quandary. And perhaps, as we explore it together, we might find some answers to these questions and in doing so, find peace..

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I ditched my early morning appointment with God

I stared at the window, longing to go outside.  I could see the birds flitting from tree limbs to the bird feeders.  I could hear the sweet song of the cardinal at the top of the river birch tree.  I could see the water flowing in the fountains, the windchimes swaying, and the flowers blooming in my whimsical cottage garden.

And I was stuck inside.  I felt like I was the “princess in the tower,” locked in the upstairs bedroom and not allowed to leave. (more…)

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