Category Archives: Sin

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For a Christian, is anxiety a sin?

Hi friends, it’s been almost a year since I’ve posted, and I’ve missed you.  Seminary is keeping me busy and there’s not been much time to write.  But, since I have a lot of new subscribers, I wanted to send something out to welcome them!   

It had been a horrible week. I was finishing up one of my seminary classes that had required mounds and mounds of work. My anxiety level was through the roof. Sadly, just to function like a normal adult, I had to take a lot of medication. Otherwise, my heart would just race and race, which feels horrible. The medication calmed my heart so that I could feel normal and function like I used to.

During this week of overwhelming schoolwork, I fought anxiety tooth and nail. I battled it during breakfast. I prayed while I took a walk. I practiced mindful meditation in the bed. But still, anxiety had kicked my butt and I was exhausted. I was weary of the daily, even hourly, fight to live like God created my body to function.

Panic attack (more…)

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The day I judged Derrick because of his skin color

It seems like a lot of my life events happen at Harris Teeter. It’s probably because I have shopped there once a week for over twenty years. If you do the math, that’s around 50 times a year for 20 years – that means I’ve been in a Wilmington Harris Teeter about 1000 times. If each visit is for half and hour, I’ve spent 500 hours in Harris Teeter.

On this day, I had loaded up my groceries into the trunk and I climbed into the drivers seat. I wasn’t quite ready to crank the car as I wanted to check my text messages. I looked up from my phone and saw a black man crossing in front of my car. Without a single thought, I reached over and hit the automatic door locks to lock my door.  I’m ashamed to admit it, but I have an unconscious fear of black men.

fear of black men

Why did I have a fear of black men?  I wasn’t born with it.  It slowly developed during my childhood.   (more…)

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I didn’t have an abortion, but I paid for one.

Dear reader:  This blog post has been written and ready to post for two years.  Over seven hundred days.  But I have not posted it.  Why?  I was afraid to.  Recently, many of my friends have posted openly about their regret in having abortions, and it has given me courage to share my own regret in paying for one.  

I sat around a table of adults who were there to interview me.  At twenty-one years old, I had butterflies in my tummy and my hands were clammy with nervousness.  I had applied to be a summer camp counselor at Methodist camp that served the poor and elderly in rural North Carolina.  The only question that I remember from that day was this:

“Which person in the Bible do you most respect?”

My answer was Paul, but not for the reasons that you might expect.  It wasn’t because he had served Jesus sacrificially or because he had written a large part of the New Testament.  It was because he made this honest statement about himself in 1 Timothy 1:15, “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, and I am the worst of them all.”

sinners

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Does Jesus feel at home in your heart?

How would people describe your home? Friends describe my home as homey, cozy, and peaceful.

As you walk into my foyer, you are welcomed by warm, golden walls and a room filled with cranberry red accents. My plaid couch is as old as my 20 year son, and the slight fraying just adds to its personality. You can sit on that comfy couch and put your feet up on my dented coffee table. You can reach over and grab the afghan that will warm you up on a cold day.

Let’s turn on the gas logs, plug in the twinkling lights on the mantle, and light a few candles. You will hear the sound of peaceful music through the speakers, see the light streaming in through the skylights, and hear the soothing sounds of water in the fountain.

Welcome home.

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How could anyone not want Jesus?

Do you remember your teenage years?  Mine were 30 years ago but I remember the 90s quite clearly.   Confession: the life I presented to those I wanted to please was much different than the life I was living.  On the outside, to my church family and teachers at school, I was kind, helpful, a good student, a good speaker, and a youth group leader.  
But on the inside, I was just as the Bible describes sinners in Titus 3.  I was foolish, disobedient, envious, hateful, deceived, and enslaved to lust and pleasure. I will spare you the details, but I was not the person you would want your teenage daughter to be.  I did my best to keep this side of me hidden from those I wanted to think well of me, but my friends certainly saw my rebellious side.  I was not the perfect little church girl.  Far from it.

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I’m confessing my sin today…for all the world to hear

I’m making a list today and it is absolutely no fun.  In fact, I have been dreading it all week.  I’m preparing for a prayer ministry appointment (also called inner healing) and I’m making a list of sins to confess out loud.  Yep.  Sins. To. Confess.  MY sins to confess. Doesn’t that sound about as much fun a getting a double root canal with no novocaine?  You can tell that I am chomping at the bit to get started.

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Don’t let your sinful heart build a wall between God & you

I’ve felt separated from God lately.  I know from experience that my feelings of *space* between us is not because God has moved away from me, but because I have moved away from God.  I’ve not purposely set out to put distance between God and me, but it is happened over time.  And as I examine my life to figure out why I feel this distance, there can only be one answer:

SIN.

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I’ve cussed more in the past 2 months than the past 25 years

Get ready.  In the next few paragraphs, I’m going to shatter your perception of me as a godly woman.  If you see me as the perfect church woman, as we say in the south, “I’m fittin’ to disappoint you.”

I try very hard to keep my speech above reproach.  I am very careful about what I say, and I often come across as sweet, gentle, and godly.  I so want my words to honor God.  But in the last few months, I’ve walked through some emotional turmoil that has been, at times, more than my sweet little self could bear.  So when the tears have flowed and I’ve been an emotional wreck, I’ve said some things that are not characteristic of me.

The #!*% has hit the fan.
I feel like #*&@.
They can all go to *#$!

Patrick ChurchJune 24, 2018

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What to do when your heart is stony

I’m glad that you don’t have superhero x-rays eyes because I don’t want you to see into my heart.  On the outside, my heart may seem kind, generous, gentle, and thoughtful.  Perhaps even godly.  Those things are there, yes, but there is also some junk that I don’t want you to see.  There are hidden things that I cover up with my sweet spirit and my smile.   Yes, in my heart dwells jealousy, anger, resentment, and conceit, as well as more sin and wickedness that I don’t want to reveal to anyone.

heart

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