Teenagers often don’t know when to keep their mouths shut.  A few years ago, a teenager boldly told me what their mother thought about me.  And then the teen went on to tell me their mother’s beliefs on parenting, which were very different from how I was raising my children.  The insinuation was this their mother did it the right way, and I did it the wrong way.

Honestly, I was crushed. And confused.  Insecurity joined the party as I questioned every aspect of my motherhood.  When I compared myself to this other mother, I came up wanting.

I had a lot of questions swirling through my mind.

Was this other mother really doing it the right way, and I was doing it the wrong way?
Was she a perfect parent, and I was a horrible mother?
Were my decisions not the best ones for my son and daughter?
Was I ruining them while she was churning out stellar young adults?

I still don’t know the answers to some of these questions. I was an imperfect mother and I made a lot of mistakes. But there are a variety of ways to raise a child.  When you throw in single parenting, children with disabilities, or headstrong kids, you find there is no “right way” to do it.

“One size fits all” is not applicable to parenting. 

We all tend to look at other mothers and how they seem to have it all together, while we wallow in our mess.  We struggle while they thrive. Our idea of a good day is when no one cries – us or the children!

Parenting is hard.  We just do the best we can with what we’ve been given and what we know.  

After a while of feeling like the worst mom ever, my brain fog began to clear.  I realized that my children were thriving in my home.  I was not perfect, but I was not horrible, either.  I was parenting my individual children the way that God was leading me.  We had a peaceful home where love abounded.

In light of this clarity, I wrote down some declarations.  Some statements, really, that said that this is who I am as a woman and as a mother.  Writing this down gave me confidence and permission to be the mother God has created me to be.

Who has God created YOU to be?  How has He gifted you to parent?  You can take my statements, which I called “Declarations for parents of teenagers,” and adapt them to your individual situation.  Here they are:

Before God, I will love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Knowing that the fruit of the spirit springs forth from my relationship with God, I will put my relationship with Him before all others.

I will make my relationship with my husband the most important relationship in my home, knowing that the peace of my home depends upon it. I will love, honor, respect, and serve him, and in doing this, my children will benefit from a peaceful home and a healthy model of marriage.

I will train up my children in the way they should go, so when they are old, they will not depart from it.

I will teach my children about God’s word and His ways, leading them to the saving knowledge of what Jesus did for them on the cross. I will live out what I teach them to the best of my ability.

I will disciple my children, teaching them right from wrong, giving both rules and consequences, doing all of these things being led by Holy Spirit and in love.

I will allow other mature and godly people to speak into my children’s lives, realizing that I do not know everything. I will seek counsel from godly friends when I do not know what to do.

I will “keep my love on,” responding to them with love, kindness, grace, and patience, even when I feel like I have none left.

I will forgive my children when they have done wrong, and not keep a record of their wrongs according to 1 Corinthians 13. I will always seek reconciliation and restoration with them.

I will hear my children’s hearts and ideas as long as they are presented with respect.

I will act like a mature and godly adult, and to not allow things like manipulation, control, blame, sarcasm, revenge, or jealousy to guide my actions, even when I am hurt, angry, or upset.

I will, as much as possible, not “expose” my children’s difficulties or secrets to people that do not need to know. I will speak of them in love and never in a degrading or demeaning manner.

When I blow it with my children, and my flesh leaps out instead of my spirit, I will apologize to them and ask for their forgiveness, seeking restoration of the relationship in accordance to Matthew 18.

I will lean on God for more grace, patience, love, and forgiveness for my children when my own stores seem to be waning. I will put some physical distance between us when I am not in a state of mind to respond in these ways.

I will “stay in the game,” to not “give up” or “escape” when friction with them feels unbearable. I will give “tough love” where needed and I will not avoid conflicts for the sake of keeping the peace. I will not to abdicate my authority or my responsibilities because that seems to be the easier path.  Suicide or running away is not an option.

I will provide for my children, ensuring that their needs for food, clothing, transportation, and safe shelter are met.

I will be responsible for my children’s education, seeking to provide them a safe space to learn about the beauty and the ugliness of the fallen world in which we live. I will provide them a place of innocence to grow up in until they are mature enough to deal with the difficult areas of life.

I will raise children that are prepared for ministry. I will identify their giftings and their strengths and give them opportunities to grow in those gifts and to serve.

I will establish and maintain a peaceful home where we live, work, learn, serve, and exist in harmony. It is in this peaceful atmosphere of safety and unconditional love that they can flourish and grow.

I will be aware of my children’s friends, their beliefs, and their standards, knowing that iron sharpens iron, and that sin entices away.

I will protect my children from outside invading forces, spiritual or tangible, that would seek to come in to destroy their lives. I am the gate that allows things in, or keeps things out. This can apply to media, ideas, and people.

I will know and understand my children’s maturity level, so that I can make wise decisions on their behalf until they exhibit the maturity, understanding, and discernment to make wise decisions for themselves.

I will give my all, to serve sacrificially, and to lay down my own life as I raise up a steadfast, mature, godly, and secure son and daughter of God.

When my children have reached a level of maturity or the ability to provide financially for themselves, I will release them into the world, knowing that I have done everything possible to prepare them for a successful life.

Sharing is caring. If this post encouraged you, will you share it on Facebook so that it could bless your friends,too? Thanks for helping me to reach more struggling women with encouragement, hope, and grace.