I slowly maneuvered the minivan into the driveway, glad to be home. I was in the middle of a conversation with my four year old daughter, Hannah. She was boisterous and fun around me and her friends but but reticent among strangers, especially adults. I wanted her to be bold and confident, like me, so I told her,

“Hannah, you’re NOT shy.”

Barely a second passed before she made her emphatic reply.

But mom, I AM shy. You just don’t understand me.

LAWD!  If I couldn’t understand a four-year-old, I was going to be in deep trouble when she was a teenager! But she was right. It was true, I didn’t understand her. Over the years I saw that in many situations she was shy and timid, especially with teenagers and adults. She hated to order food in restaurants, and still does to this day.

I misunderstood her, and I wanted her to be something that she was not. I was wrong.

You and I can all relate to that four-year-old girl seated in her booster seat.

We’ve all been misunderstood.

We say things with good intentions but they twist our words into accusations.
We try to give good advice to someone in trouble but they see us as judgmental and proud.
We draw boundaries around our lives to keep ourselves healthy but they see us as uncaring and aloof.

We feel misunderstood.  Sometimes people just don’t “get” us.  

I can relate to my sweet Hannah in feeling misunderstood. I’m an introvert. My behavior can be very extroverted at times – I can host parties, talk with cashiers, and mingle and make small talk before church.

 

 

But what people don’t know is that it takes a lot of energy for me to do those things. I’m weary when I attend multiple social events with no time to recharge alone. Exhausted. And I have nothing left to give.

 

 

In short, while I enjoy being social,  ministering to others and making small talk slowly drains my energy. Being at home recharges me so that I can go out and be social again. I’ve had to draw boundaries, like staying home on Sunday afternoons, so that I can stay healthy. I want to be able to serve my family, friends, and community, but I know how much I can give. I know my limits. And my body clearly tells me when I need to say no.

And when I choose to decline attending events to protect my mental and physical health, I’m misunderstood.

 

Can you relate?

It’s hard when people think the worst of you because of your choices. I wish that people would see our hearts and see the best in us, but often they don’t and they judge our actions and our motives. They don’t understand who we are on the inside that drives the decisions and choices and boundaries we make.

We are misunderstood.

If you’ve been misunderstood, I’m sorry. I can’t change the hearts of those who have believed the worst of you, but I can empathize. I understand. It hurts. The consolation I can offer is that God sees your heart. He knows better than anyone what your personality is, what your weaknesses are, and what your limitations are. He knows your motives and the reason behind your decisions.

God made you, and He will not try to make you into someone who you are not. When you say, “God, I’m shy” He won’t reply, “No you’re not!” He won’t shame you for having the personality that HE gave you. He will not tell you that you are not who you truly are.

God understands you.

 

 

When others misunderstand you, God’s love and acceptance nullifies their the accusations and judgments and labels. It’s not true!

And God wants to heal the wounds that being misunderstood has causes. We see in the Bible that Jesus himself was misunderstood and rejected. He knows how much it hurts. And He wants to heal your pain and your bruised heart.

 

 

Try as we might, we can’t make others understand us. But we can have peace knowing that God “gets us” and loves us unconditionally, just like we are. Weaknesses, warts, and all.

We are fully, completely, and totally understood.
We are fully, completely, and totally loved.
We are fully, completely, and totally accepted.

Just like we are. We don’t have to change who we are to please people. We can be ourselves. (Deep sigh) And who we are is okay.

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