People have always loved to tease me. Maybe its because I’m 4’10” and I’ve always been a bit gullible. When I was a child, my brother teased me by telling me that I was adopted. Anyone who looked at my petite shape and my mother’s (and my grandmother’s) would know that wasn’t true, but they had me going. And sometimes I played along as the dumb blond, making it all the more fun.

My brother took advantage of my gullibility by giving me some advice as well.  When I was little, I thought my nose was big.  Being a helpful older brother, he told me that if I did “nose exercises” by wiggling my nose back and forth, my nose would “lose weight” and be smaller.  I faithfully exercised my  nose but there was no change.  Thanks, bro!

I was always told that people tease you because they like you. I have a friend at church that loves to tease and play jokes on me. She’s a joyful friend who has a great zest for life. I love her to pieces. She knows that I am a bit quirky about my “personal space” – you know, that bubble around your body that people shouldn’t enter when standing behind you in line or patiently waiting in an elevator.

I’ve been attending charismatic churches for 20 years now, and most of the time, I don’t stay in my seat during worship. I get out in the aisle or go up to the altar so that I’m not distracted by those around me. Recently my friend at church decided to tease me during worship. She got in my space, rubbing up next to me like a cat would rub your leg. I asked her to stop, and she didn’t catch the seriousness in my voice, and she kept it up. Pretty soon my skin was crawling, I was feeling claustrophobic and a full blown panic attack ensued. I ended up going back to my seat and crying through worship, and it was hours before I recovered.

A few months later, it happened again. But this time, when she got near me, like a threatened dog, I growled, “Don’t mess with me.” She backed off, but I was left there crying at the altar. I soon walked to the back of the church and sat down. I wasn’t angry at her because I know that she loves me, but I was ashamed at my unkind reaction to her and the fact that I was weak.

I poured my heart out to the Lord:

Why do I have to be weak?
Why does my body have to feel claustrophobic and panic?
Why can’t I just be normal?

I felt defeated and ashamed.

Have you ever been there?  Defeated.  Ashamed.  Longing to be normal.  There are times when we wonder what is wrong with us and why can’t we just be like everyone else.

There, in the midst of my tears in the back of the church, I drew near to Jesus.  Jesus understands our struggles and weakness.  He came to the earth as a baby and lived in a frail human tent.  He experienced every emotion under the sun and He knows the things that we humans go through. I venture that He even felt the discomfort of someone bursting the bubble of his personal space. I bet His skin even crawled a time or two.

For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Hebrews 4:15

That morning, in my weakness and insufficiency, I drew near to Jesus. I leaned in to His grace and mercy, and  I found help in my time of need.

…let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16

And then the funniest thing happened. After I recovered and got myself under control, there was an altar call. I went up to the front to pray for a weeping woman. She was weak. Insufficient. Human –  just like me. And I prayed for her every tear-stained word that I had just prayed when I was alone in the back of the church. I led her to the throne of grace, where she also received mercy and grace and help in her time of need.

After I finished the prayer, she said it was just what she needed.  How did I know? Jesus knew.

God had used my weakness and my prayer of desperation to minister to someone else in their weakness and desperation and insufficiency.

Let Him use you, too.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

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