I have trouble sleeping. The medication that I take to control my anxiety makes me feel “normal,” but the side effect is insomnia. Many nights I fall asleep after midnight and wake up around 5 am. I try to stay still and quiet so that my hubby can have his beauty rest. These sleepless nights leaves me with a lot of quiet time to think. And pray.

Most of my prayers start off well.

“Hi, Jesus. I can’t sleep so let’s talk.”

But soon after I start, the weight of all of my weaknesses and failures butt into the conversation. And I begin a litany of apologies.

“I’m sorry that I don’t pray enough.”
“I’m sorry that I am afraid.”
“I’m sorry that I spend too much money.”
“I’m sorry that I’m not content.”
“I’m sorry that I want to work in my garden rather than read my Bible.”
And the list goes on.

I spend a good five minutes of my prayer time apologizing and groveling for all of my shortcomings and all of the things that I want Jesus to fix in me. And then I get distracted by some bunny trail thought. When I finally come back to praying, I start off apologizing for being so easily distracted.

Bless my heart. This scenario goes on night after sleepless night.

Can you relate? Do you spend a lot of your prayer time crawling on your hands and knees, begging God to forgive you for being who you are? Are you weighed down with guilt and shame when you come before God?

I do. Recently, I realized that I was accomplishing zilch in my prayer time. It was all about me, and zero about other people. What about this verse:

My prayers were fruitless and self-centered and probably a waste of time. So Jesus gave me another tactic. He showed me how to pivot – how to make an abrupt change – in the focus of my nightly prayer time.  He showed me how to pray.

When I started to pray, and the weight of my shame caused me to start apologizing, I stopped. Immediately. I decided to come to Jesus just as I was, to stand in His redeeming grace, and to intercede for others. Isn’t that the point of prayer? To pray for other people, not just me?

Instead of looking inward, I looked outward, and I began to think of the needs of my loved ones.

I prayed for my friend who wanted to die.
I prayed for my friend who lost her young son.
I prayed for my friend who had cancer.
I prayed for my husband and his job.
I prayed for my children and their health.
I prayed for my hurricane-ravaged community.
I lifted up other needs.
And then I told Jesus how amazing He was.

I had dropped the baggage of my failures at the altar, fell to my knees, and really prayed for people. And it felt good.

None of us measure up to the biblical example of a Christian. None. And that’s why we need Jesus and His inexhaustible grace. Don’t let the weight of your failures drag you down in prayer. You can pray for your needs but save time to pray for others. Don’t be like me and be consumed by yourself.

Stop apologizing. Look up. And think of someone else to pray for. Your prayer will accomplish much.

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