I heard a loud knocking at my door. “Have you seen Bill and Jane?” my neighbor frantically asked. “No,” I replied.  She explained,”They didn’t show up for lunch with their children today and they aren’t coming to the door or answering their phones. We’ve called 911.”

I slowly shut the door while a chill went down my spine. I started to pray.

Soon, a group of concerned neighbors had gathered on the driveway of Bill and Jane’s home, my husband among them. Looking through the upstairs window, I saw the unfamiliar van of Bill and Jane’s son in the driveway. And soon, I saw the Sheriff arrive. I prayed even harder. And then I saw my husband walking home.

Standing in our kitchen, he relayed to me the tragic news. Jane was found dead in the home. Bill was alive, but he had fallen and was unable to get up. An ambulance was on its way to transport him to the hospital.

Most likely these kind neighbors had been in this distress for four days while the rest of the world went on around them. While we ran errands, walked our dogs, checked the mail, and ate our meals, our elderly neighbors suffered alone in their home.

As Brian relayed this devastating news, all the hair on the back of my neck stood up. And my spirit sunk. It was only 5 pm, but I climbed into the bed. I was in shock. And heartbroken.

I felt like it was my fault. It was possible that by making a different choice, I could have prevented such tragic loss and needless suffering.  You see, I knew Jane was unwell the day before she passed. I had the opportunity to go over and check on her. But I didn’t. I could have gone over the next day, too. But I didn’t.

I could explain to you all the reasons why I didn’t, but they really don’t matter. What matters is I could have made a different choice, and it all could have turned out differently. Jane could be alive, and Bill could have avoided endless days of pain and suffering alone.  This is a story of tragedy, but there are lessons that can be learned from it so that the Bills and Janes in your life can have a different ending.

1) Look out for your neighbors. If you see something unusual, like their newspapers piling up on their driveway, take the time to go over and check things out.

2) Be a nosy neighbor. I was trying to respect Jane’s desire for privacy and not butt into her health concerns, but I should have. I should have marched over to her house, knocked on her door, and said, “Are you okay, Jane?” And I should have done it the next day, too.

3) Give your neighbors the phone numbers of your family members or a close friend.  Then, if they haven’t seen you get your mail in a while, they know who to call. This is especially true if you live alone or are elderly.

4) Give your children or a neighbor or friend a key to your home. That way, if they haven’t seen you for days and they are concerned, they can easily check on you without having to call the police to come to break into your home.

This happened months ago. We later learned that Bill and Jane had the flu. And while everyone tried to convince me that I was not to blame for this senseless tragedy, it was still really hard.  Every time I drove past their house, I wondered if they would still be alive it if my neighbors and I had made different choices.

I learned some hard lessons, but my hope is that in vulnerably sharing my story I might pass along some wisdom that will make a difference in your life and in the lives of those you care about.

Note: Names were changed to protect the privacy of those involved.  

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