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We believe, Jesus. Help our unbelief.

I felt like such a hypocrite.  I was sitting at my Bible study desk preparing to teach a lesson on Hebrews Chapter 6.  In this passage, we look at Abraham, the great man of old, who through “faith and patience” inherited the promises of God.  Then, I looked at my own life and faith compared to Abraham’s.   The enemy came in low and strong and dealt me a devastating punch.

“Lisa, you are such a hypocrite.  How can you teach about faith when you don’t have any?”

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The slave marketplace: A beautiful story of redemption

This blog post is different from any I have written before.  It is fiction, an allegory, a story I saw take place in my mind as I did a Bible study and looked up the word “redemption” in the original Greek language.  It means, “to be purchased from the slave market of sin, totally free, never to be sold again.”  Enjoy.

The day was dark and gloomy as Jesus wandered the city streets.  His heart was set on a mission but He wasn’t quite sure yet of the outcome.  He was fully God but also fully man, so some things were still hidden to Him.  But this He knew:  the Holy Spirit was propelling Him to find something.  Or someone.

He headed to the market area, and as He drew nearer, He could begin to hear the shouts.  It was a place of market, a place of trade, where one exchanged one’s valuables for another person’s goods.  It was a place where food, blankets, and fine linens were sold, but as Jesus drew nearer, He saw that the market was also darker and more sinister at one end.  It was also a market for people.  Slaves.  Men and women of flesh and bone, sold into servitude for their debts and crimes.

It was then that he saw her.  He could see that at one time she was young and lovely, but today she was grimy and disheveled.  She was bound by the wrists and feet by heavy rope that had no hope of being untied.  She probably had once struggled against her bonds, but as he looked at her, he saw that hope had long fled her heart and despair had settled in.  She sat there in defeat, and all around her were shouts of condemnation.

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God humbled me, and it was quite embarrassing

Over a dozen years ago a praise and worship leader named Paul Wilbur came to Wilmington.  He is a talented musician who primarily plays a messianic worship style of music which is conducive to Jewish dancing.  Many dancers from churches in Wilmington came together to choreograph Jewish dances for these songs, such as “The Days of Elijah.”  My four year old daughter Hannah and I were among them.

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Desperately searching for a new old lady to love….

I have an addiction.  And it’s not to chocolate, or Netflix, or to coffee, but it’s to old ladies.  You know, those little old ladies that carry humongous purses and who wear strong perfume and whose homes smell funny.  They walk very slowly in their Alfred Dunner outfits and they buy their shoes from the SAS store.  I love them.

I grew up watching my mother love old ladies.  Honestly, as a teenager, I thought it was a waste of time.  She would take me to their homes and I would be bored to tears.  Her first old lady was sweet Gwendolyn – she lived alone in the bad part of town and she was strongly independent.  The next old lady was Catherine, who was a genteel Southern lady who loved to make crafts.  And then there was Sybil, an avid gardener whose daylilies continue to grow in my yard.

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Will you play it safe or take bold risks for God?

I’ve been a housewife and stay-at-home mom for over twenty years now.  And in filling this role, I’ve spent a lot of time, well, at home.  Through the years, one of my favorite splurges has been to take an afternoon nap.  Before I would take a nap, I would shut the garage door and lock all the doors.  I would check to make sure that the windows were shut and the children were playing peacefully.  As I would go off to sleep, I would rest securely knowing that my children were safe inside our home. We were all “snug as a bug in a rug.”

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I’m an insecure overachiever with a touch of OCD

Everyone who knows me well knows that I have a touch of OCD.  My earrings and Solo cups are all arranged by ROYGBIV.   There is not a crooked picture in my house….I’m sure of it, because I would be the first to notice and have to fix it.  My grass is largely weed-free because in my mind, grass and weeds should not co-exist.

If you have ever seen the TV show Monk about the obsessive-compulsive detective then you should know me well.  I am Adrian Monk.

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I love Jesus but I cuss a little

It was a sacred moment for me.  I entered the stately brick Methodist church through wooden doors that were twice my size.  I journeyed down hallowed halls that were filled with a holy hush.   Then I found the room where the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group met.

This was my very first speaking engagement in my new journey as a professional Christian communicator.  I was prepared, a little nervous, and to bolster my self esteem I had on a lot of hot pink.  My presentation was about how God’s grace was a greater factor in how our children turned out than our own mommy failures.

I was telling the story about how an autism therapist gave me a list of strategies to teach social skills to my son.  She wanted me to take him to the park and initiate social interactions with strangers.  Even while she was talking, I knew that I was not going to do that.  It was too hard.  As I shared my thoughts with these young moms, my words didn’t come out right.

They came out in a way that nearly made me wet my pants.

I cussed.

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How do we handle the burden of mommy guilt?

Beth Moore Bible studies are always life-changing for me.  Somehow the way she leads us through Bible passages and then asks heart-provoking questions leads me to truth.  In my Entrusted study of 2 Timothy, we looked at how Paul served God with a clear conscience and how Jesus’ sacrifice for us enables us to have a clear conscience, too.  And then Beth asked if there was an area where we had a guilty conscience.

I do.  It’s a heavy burden that I have carried around for nineteen years, from the day when I refused to nurse my newborn son because I had postpartum depression.  The staggering load that has weighed me down is mommy guilt.

Yes, mommy guilt.

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I’m a cowardly woman pretending to be brave

I sat there crying in a large parking lot.  Cars buzzed around me and in my embarrassment I prayed that they would not park beside me and see my tears.  My soul was in great anguish and I was praying fervently, “God, what should I do now?”  The answer could make or break a friendship.

I was in a text message battle with one of my pastors.

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Can someone else do your job better than you?

I stood with my eyes open during praise and worship and watched everything going on around me.  I should have been focused on God and singing with joy, but my mind was distracted by the women around me.  They were hugging on each other, prophesying over each other, and down on the floor in tears together.  And I was standing there, alone, with really no desire to be doing any of those things at that moment.

Which is a problem since I am the Ladies Ministry Leader at my church.

vulnerability

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