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I’ve cussed more in the past 2 months than the past 25 years

Get ready.  In the next few paragraphs, I’m going to shatter your perception of me as a godly woman.  If you see me as the perfect church woman, as we say in the south, “I’m fittin’ to disappoint you.”

I try very hard to keep my speech above reproach.  I am very careful about what I say, and I often come across as sweet, gentle, and godly.  I so want my words to honor God.  But in the last few months, I’ve walked through some emotional turmoil that has been, at times, more than my sweet little self could bear.  So when the tears have flowed and I’ve been an emotional wreck, I’ve said some things that are not characteristic of me.

The #!*% has hit the fan.
I feel like #*&@.
They can all go to *#$!

Patrick ChurchJune 24, 2018

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She’s not there, she’s in my heart

Our family has never taken exotic vacations.  Probably the most exciting place we have ever taken our children is Washington, DC.  Most of our vacations are to visit family, either in the mountains of North Carolina, the coast of Georgia, or in the bulging metropolis of Atlanta.  We find that taking vacations to visit family suits us just fine.

One of our last trips to Atlanta was unfortunately for a funeral.  My mother-in-law, Jane, had died suddenly from a stoke.  She was working in her garden one fine spring day, and with Jesus the next.  So that unplanned trip to Atlanta was filled with joy and anguish, memories and tears.

JaneMoore (more…)

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When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock…

All I could do was stare at the screen on my Kindle.  I was in the middle of a great Civil War book, but my eyes glazed over as the words blurred before me.  Minutes passed by.  No words can describe the depth of despair that I was feeling.  Life had kicked me in the gut again.

As I wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes with my pillowcase, I prayed for help.  What I wanted to pray was that I would just die in the middle of the night and not wake up to my life the next day.  I felt somewhat justified in this desire to die.  I had found in 1 Kings 19:4 that Elijah the prophet, a man of great faith and power, had also experienced a similar weak moment.  He was running for his life from Jezebel and found himself under a juniper tree.  There he prayed that he would die.  He said, “God, I’ve had enough.  Take me now.”

Those were my sentiments exactly.

Sleeping Girl

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When God doesn’t “restore your soul” immediately

My family traveled to the mountains for Mother’s Day weekend.  When I looked at the rental website, I saw a cottage that was by a lake.  The pictures looked so peaceful and my overwhelmed soul longed for the peace that I saw in the lakeside beauty.  I quickly made a deposit and signed the rental agreement.   And then I looked forward with anticipation to sit by the tranquil lakeside, longing for the peace that it possessed.

“He leads me by still waters.  He restores my soul.” Psalm 23:2

restore your soul

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Do you approach God with confidence or with fear?

I approached the stage to make the announcements in church last Sunday.  My smile and my posture exuded confidence, but they did not accurately portray what  the nervous shaking going on in my heart.  In my heart, I was scared.  I was hesitant to be my silly, dippy, playful self on a stage in a room full of people because I had determined that not all of the people were safe.  Many of the people at church loved me unconditionally, but there were two people whose repeated rejection and criticisms intimidated me.  Honestly, I was afraid to mess up or make a mistake in front of them.  To me, they were not safe.

EnglishRA10005 (2)

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I Really Didn’t Want to Homeschool

Recently I went up to the Cape Fear Community College North Campus to purchase a gift for my daughter who was graduating. As I started to leave, it dawned on me that I would probably not return to that building. And then I cried.  I cried tears of thankfulness. The two years that she spent at community college as a dual-enrolled homeschooler were such a blessing in her life. And perhaps mixed in were a few tears of joy that my twelve years as a homeschool teacher were over.

I Really Didn't Want to Homeschool

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When our plans fail and we cry on the floor

We have a tradition of having my daughter’s boyfriend over for dinner on Saturday nights.  On this particular weekend, he was home from college, so I planned to “pull out all of the stops” to fix him a nice, home-cooked meal.  We were having chicken lasagna, filled with yummy noodles and cheesy goodness.   I had gathered my recipe, looked over the ingredients, and declared that I was good to go.  plans (more…)

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What to do when your heart is stony

I’m glad that you don’t have superhero x-rays eyes because I don’t want you to see into my heart.  On the outside, my heart may seem kind, generous, gentle, and thoughtful.  Perhaps even godly.  Those things are there, yes, but there is also some junk that I don’t want you to see.  There are hidden things that I cover up with my sweet spirit and my smile.   Yes, in my heart dwells jealousy, anger, resentment, and conceit, as well as more sin and wickedness that I don’t want to reveal to anyone.

heart

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Being “Un-friended” on Facebook Hurts

When I was growing up, there were two girls my age that lived in my neighborhood, Kim and Ashley. Sometimes the three of us got along well and played contentedly, but most often, we were fighting. Ashley and I would decide to “gang up” on Kim and we would play together and leave her out.

Being "Un-friended" on Facebook Hurts

        Lisa & Ashley

Then, Ashley and I would get in a fight and we would switch, and Kim and I would play together and leave Ashley out. What I hated the most was when Kim and Ashley would “gang up” on me and leave me out. It hurt.

I’m all grown up now but I still have the desire that people would like me. I believe that no matter how old and mature you are, you have an innate desire to be liked, loved, and accepted. I know that I do. (more…)

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We have a Savior who understands our struggles

This is a guest post by my dear friend, Elizabeth Mckenzie:

The phone rang.  It was a person very dear to me and she was upset, and had been absolutely mortified. As she explained what happened to me I began to sympathize with how she felt. She told me  she was on her way home and she stopped by a family member’s house. Before arriving she was unaware that they had a full house with company. And upon entering the the house her family member’s granddaughter said “What are you doing here? I’m tired of seeing you here!” They all laughed as the child proceeded to keep saying “What are you doing here? It’s you again?” None of the adults reprimanded the child but instead laughed and she did it more.

Something happened in my friend as she stood in that room full of people laughing at her. She felt embarrassed and rejected. Feeling hurt, she made her visit short, not because of what the child said but more so of how the adults responded. Not one person welcomed her as they snickered at the child’s rude behavior. In that moment she felt unwanted and rejected.

SadSmall

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