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Right now, in the presence of God, Jesus is praying for you

Let’s start with honesty.  I have a broken heart.  For weeks, my heart has hurt.  At times, literally hurt.  Looking at my life, it’s hard to see why.  My children are healthy, my marriage is sound, and the bills are paid.  But lately I have encountered a lot of conflict with people.  I’ve been the subject of gossip, I’ve been hurt by trusted friends, and treasured relationships are in tatters. My heart is in tatters, too.  Broken heart

It is hard to admit, but in defense of those who have hurt me, some of this is probably my fault.   I’ve probably made some mistakes.  But I’ve been following God’s leading to the best of my ability.  I am sure there are things I could have done and said better.  And I wish I had done it better.  I’m left with a heart that is broken and friendships that are shredded to pieces like confetti.   Jesus!

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God is not scared of our weakness

It’s hard to admit a weakness.  No, hard is not the right word.  Perhaps excruciating.  Terrifying.  Embarrassing.  I have experienced all of these emotions as I have shared with the world my struggle to believe that God will heal me. I can stand on a stage and teach God’s Word with great power, but then I go home and struggle to believe God’s Word.  It’s a weakness.

As a speaker and leader, people view me as a Christian woman who has it all together.  It has been so freeing to let people in on my secret…that I am far from perfect.  I am far from living up to God’s standards.  I’m far from living according to His Word.  I’m far from measuring up to the expectations of most of the people in my church.

weakness

But really, when are honest enough to admit it, we are all broken.  None of us measure up.

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Lessons Learned from the Wild Rumpus at Urgent Care

This is another guest post by my best friend of 25 years and fellow She Speaks graduate, Nicole Holmes:

My recent wild rumpus was not in Times Square or at Walt Disney World, but at the Urgent Care in Wilmington, North Carolina.  My feverish 7-year-old daughter had just finished an antibiotic for strep throat when her fever spiked and she complained of a sore throat.   Honestly, I wanted to pretend I didn’t hear her.  It was dinnertime, and instead of sitting down for spaghetti and meatballs, we loaded up in the minivan and headed to the doctor’s office.  It was our third visit to the doctor for strep throat in three months.

Within 10 minutes of entering the exam room, the diagnosis was clear … strep throat … again.  This time, instead of the pink liquid antibiotic, the doctor recommended an injection.  The 7-year-old did NOT want a shot.  Tears started streaming down her face.  She cried so hard, she blew snot bubbles.  It was sad.

Then, she stomped her foot and said, “I’m NOT getting a shot.”

hissy fit

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When you are struggling to have sufficient faith

I love the book of Hebrews.  I studied it and taught it all last summer, and I am studying it and teaching it now on Facebook Live.  I hope to teach it this summer, too, at my church.  It is one of my favorite books of the Bible because it encourages me in knowing that I can approach God’s throne with full confidence.  It is also full of warnings and exhortations that challenge me.

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Facing my fear at the brain surgeon’s office

Last Saturday night I had a hot date with my husband.  I got all dressed up and we headed to the hospital.  There, I checked in for my 3rd MRI of my brain in the last 20 months.  I’ve been told that I have a beautiful brain, but they keep wanting to see more and more of it.  So I stripped off my sexy outfit and donned some one-size-fits-all scrubs instead. And while my husband waited in the waiting room, I spent my date night in the MRI tube.

Scrubssmall

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Vulnerability is a good weight loss plan

Vulnerability is a good weight loss plan.  Facing my impending doom, I couldn’t eat lunch or dinner.   My stomach was in knots from all of the butterflies fluttering around in there.  God had asked me to do something HARD, and I dreaded it all day long, sunup to sundown.  Like a lamb lead to the slaughter, I went to teach my Philippians Bible study.

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When Your “Love Tank” has a hole in it

It seems that the older I get the more I dress like my mother: bright colors, flashy jewelry, matching shoes.   She’s a fashionable older woman who shops at Steinmart and Chico’s…you know the type!  I haven’t yet started buying animal prints, but anything can happen!  Add some “big hair” and lip gloss and I can be quite the sight!  I know that we should not put so much stock in our outward appearance, but sometimes dressing up can help us to feel better.  Here is me with some lip gloss:

love tank

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Do you need God to untangle your tattered emotions?

God can tolerate messiness and disorder. Bless my heart, I just can’t. There is just no pretty way of saying it. If the pillows on the couch are askew then I feel compelled to straighten them. If I am sitting in the recliner and notice a picture that is crooked, I will make a mental note to fix it as soon as I get up.  If there is a weed in the grass, I am pulling it.  I have very little tolerance of chaos.

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How a failed date night left me feeling like a failure

This date night with my husband of twenty years didn’t turned out as I had planned. I had hoped that we would be enjoying hamburgers and fries and running errands like old married couples do. But as I took my shower at 5 PM I realized that I would not be going out at all. A migraine had ravaged my body earlier in the day and taking a  shower completely exhausted me. I sadly shared with my husband that he would need to go out alone and run the errands because my body needed to rest.  I felt like such a failure.

failure

Coco comforting me

The Proverbs 31 woman is one who provides for the needs of her household and I couldn’t even go out to the grocery store or CVS.  I want to be able to put healthy meals on the table and shop for my family and go out on a date with my husband.  But in this season there are times when my body won’t allow me to do those things.  So I feel like I have failed my husband and failed my family and failed in my responsibilities.

Do you ever feel like a failure too?

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She knew God, and she loved Him

We talk about death quite often in my household, but often in a joking manner.  I have given a lot of instructions to my husband and to my children as to what I want to happen when I go to my great reward.  Specifically, since I have slept with a Bunny Rabbit every night for the past 23 years, I have asked that she be allowed to join me in my casket in a cozy little snuggle.  As to my funeral, although I would love it if everyone would say amazing and wonderful things about me, my children have promised to tell the story of how one day they observed me in a fit of fury throw an orange across the kitchen.

 

I’ve asked my husband for certain things to be printed on my headstone.  I’ve requested so many things that it will have to be a small font, maybe 12 point,  I’m sure.  But, on a serious note, a few months ago during Sunday morning worship I told God something that I wanted written on my tombstone, seven words that I desperately want to describe my life:

“She knew God and she loved Him.”

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