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When your life is one great big beautiful mess

“Don’t fall. Please don’t fall” I pleaded with the beautiful china plate as I tried to hang it on the wall. I had recently made it with beautiful, sparkly jewels and I was hanging it on my colorful back porch. The plate hanger was hanging over a nail, but I was trying to “engineer” the two together (with a wire) so the plate wouldn’t fall off the nail and break.

And then…

SMASH!

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I’m confused…am I a Do-er or a Daughter?

I’m in a quandary. I will share my quandary with you through this blog post, but I’m going to present a disclaimer up front: I won’t wrap this blog post up with a tidy bow and all the answers. I haven’t found the answers yet, but I have a feeling that many of you might find yourselves in the same quandary. And perhaps, as we explore it together, we might find some answers to these questions and in doing so, find peace..

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Your triumphs as a mother are scattered among your failures

I spent a recent morning looking through scrapbooks.  I made the scrapbooks when my children were little because I needed something to look forward to at the end of the day.  I was a stay-at-home mommy to two toddlers that were 20 months apart, and every night at 9 pm, after they were put to bed, I scrapbooked.  I eventually completed about thirty scrapbooks.  I desperately needed that creative outlet.

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Dear Minivan: Lives were shaped within your sliding doors

Dear Minivan,

Today is a bittersweet day – I am surprised that I am crying. It is the day that I will tell you goodbye and the day that I will take home a new vehicle.   I’ve entered a new season of life – my teenage children are both in college.  I’m sad to see you go but happy for a new change.  I didn’t want to let you go without taking a moment to let you know what you mean to me.

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Insecurity Lurks Beneath My Trendy J. Crew Outfit

Panty hose – check.
Cocktail dress – check.
Statement necklace – check.
Cute heels – check.

It was the time of year for holiday Christmas parties and we were invited to one with my husband’s coworkers.  I was all set to look festive and fun in my new dress but on the inside I was a complete wreck.

Insecurity Lurks Beneath My Trendy J. Crew Outfit

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How could anyone not want Jesus?

Do you remember your teenage years?  Mine were 30 years ago but I remember the 90s quite clearly.   Confession: the life I presented to those I wanted to please was much different than the life I was living.  On the outside, to my church family and teachers at school, I was kind, helpful, a good student, a good speaker, and a youth group leader.  
But on the inside, I was just as the Bible describes sinners in Titus 3.  I was foolish, disobedient, envious, hateful, deceived, and enslaved to lust and pleasure. I will spare you the details, but I was not the person you would want your teenage daughter to be.  I did my best to keep this side of me hidden from those I wanted to think well of me, but my friends certainly saw my rebellious side.  I was not the perfect little church girl.  Far from it.

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I ditched my early morning appointment with God

I stared at the window, longing to go outside.  I could see the birds flitting from tree limbs to the bird feeders.  I could hear the sweet song of the cardinal at the top of the river birch tree.  I could see the water flowing in the fountains, the windchimes swaying, and the flowers blooming in my whimsical cottage garden.

And I was stuck inside.  I felt like I was the “princess in the tower,” locked in the upstairs bedroom and not allowed to leave. (more…)

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Its hard to be a disappointment

I hung up the phone, a huge weight hanging around my neck.  A close friend expected me to be somewhere at a certain time for a gathering, and I was going to be very late.  “Well don’t you care about being with me?” she asked.  The underlying accusation that I didn’t care about being with her was tangible in the air.  “Yes, I do care, and that is why I will be there with you at 4 pm.”  As we hung up the phone, my happy-go-lucky spirit slowly sank into a deep funk.

In the never-ending battle of trying to please others, once again, I was a disappointment.

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Don’t ever be ashamed of your personality

I had just done the most stupid thing ever.  I mean, in the history of Lisa, this one ranked with the dumbest.  I was making the announcements during our Sunday morning service, and I was describing how excited I get to make the announcements because I LOVE to hold a microphone. And in my zeal, I let out a squeal. Into the microphone.  Imagine a loud shriek, amplified around a room, zinging into your ears.  OUCH!

I was mortified!  I’m taking steps to become a professional Christian Communicator, and I know better than to squeal into a microphone.


I immediately started to apologize for my behavior.  I think before my short stint of holding the microphone was over, I apologized three times.  I walked off the stage feeling like a total failure, knowing I would NEVER be asked to make the announcements again.

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A fantasyland where feelings don’t get hurt

Lately I’ve been praying a prayer that I know is a fantasy.  I’m in a period of transition, between stay-at-home mommy to
“Empty nester” and I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do next.  I don’t know what my future holds, but this is my honest, fantasyland prayer:

God, give me a job or a ministry where my feelings don’t get hurt. 

I’m wondering if maybe I could be an accountant, because numbers are kind.  Maybe I could go volunteer for a local ministry or nonprofit and be their janitor, because toilets don’t talk.  In my dreams, I could be a hermit in the mountains, not interacting with anyone.

feelings

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