Tag Archives: Friends

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You didn’t really mean to reject ME, did you?

“Today is going to require a lot of makeup,” I thought as I sat at my makeup mirror.  A couple that we knew had deeply wounded me by rejecting me.  This was not just a minor bruise…I cried for 5 days.  I even woke my husband up one morning, sobbing.  And on this day I was going to see them for the first time at a social gathering.  I was so broken that I wanted to stay home, but why delay the inevitable.

So I pulled out my purple eyeliner, purple mascara, and hot pink lip gloss.  My goal was to use lots of makeup and to put a happy face to mask my quivering heart.

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Giving our friends permission to be imperfect

At times, it looks like my walk-in closet has exploded all over my bathroom. There are shirts laying on the tub. Tank tops on the rugs. And two or three hangers of pants on the door knob.

Have you ever planned to wear a certain outfit, and when you put it on, it just didn’t work? Then you begin the mad dash of figuring out something else to wear.  You also have to decide which shoes to wear and what color jewelry matches your outfit.  Since you are now running late, you don’t have time to clean up after yourself as you try on outfit after outfit.

permission to be imperfect

As you rush out the door, you leave clothes strewn behind you. And most likely you leave your peace behind as well. (more…)

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Bravely Finding the Courage to Just Be Me

In the heart of God, He conceived an idea for a woman would be named Lisa. He created her quirky, optimistic, silly, introverted, and needing to feel in control. It is hard to be her, because people often misunderstand her. So for years, I’ve often  done what was expected of me in order for people to like me. And when I’ve made choices out of self-care and preserving my emotional health, people have been angry with me. Those words have stung.

But I’m growing as a person and finding the courage to just be me. It has resulted in me being really honest lately. And it’s quite scary. Usually I try to be someone other than who I really am because I’ve found that who I truly am is often not good enough for others. I have been rejected because of my personality.

It hurts. Still.

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A true friend is one who chooses you

She has every reason not to like me. She’s known me for almost 30 years so I’ve given her LOTS of reasons. When she was my college roommate in the early 90s, I left her corrective Post-it notes when the dishes weren’t done and when the tea pitcher left brown stains on the counter. As my friend, she has to tolerate my need to plan and schedule and feel in control. She eats where I want to eat and meets when I want to meet and she has to bend to my OCD-like whims and boundaries.

But since I’ve been 18, my best friend Nicole has chosen me. Recently when we met for lunch, she reminded me, “I choose you.”

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Could it be true? Am I lovable?

We almost collided with each other in the ladies bathroom entrance. I was headed out, and my friend Alisha was headed in. Happy to run into each other, we started to talk. We continued our conversation as we left the church building, joined by Alisha’s friend, Jonathan. We hugged, said goodbye, and headed in different directions.

As she was walking away, Alisha said something to Jonathan that I overheard:

“I just LOVE her.”

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Your heart is the most vulnerable in the hands of a friend

“Today is going to require a lot of makeup,” I thought as I sat at my makeup mirror. A husband and wife at my church, people I had considered friends, had rejected me.  They were leaders in my church and I both respected and trusted them.  This was not just a minor bruise…I cried for 5 days. I even woke my husband up one morning, sobbing.

These beloved friends had deeply wounded my heart.  In short, my heart hurt.  

And on this Sunday morning I was going to see them for the first time since it happened. I was so broken that I wanted to stay home, but why delay the inevitable. So I put on a flashy shirt, lots of lip gloss, and a fake smile to mask my quivering heart.

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How to be a trustworthy and loyal friend

“If you tell Lisa something, are you sure that she will not tell others?” the pastor asked his wife.  They were dealing with a tricky church situation that could turn into a huge mess.  Gossip needed to be minimized so that the situation could be dealt with privately.  “Oh yes, Lisa is a vault.”   This pastor’s wife trusted me with her secrets.  I was her friend.  She knew that I would pray for her and not gossip about her.

I can’t imagine what it is like to be a pastor’s wife.  Your husband has a job in full-time ministry and is putting in more than a 40 hour workweek.  Yet somehow the wife must also meet the many expectations of the church. She should lead the ladies ministry, graciously entertain church members at home, never show anger or weakness, and serve tirelessly.  I’ve heard that is a lonely position, as the wife has few trusted friends in whom to confide when she is struggling.

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The day I almost lost my mind

Shame had kept me silent. Few people knew the intense battle I had been having with panic attacks. Not even my pastor was privy to the emotional upheaval that existed in my mind. My doctor knew because he was prescribing the medications that were helping me to function. But fear of judgment had kept me from telling people how bad it really was.

The smallest thing caused me to feel panic. I was scared to take a shower. I was scared to wash my hair (the picture below was not staged). I was scared to fix my breakfast and let the dog go out and fill up my Tervis with ice. Why? Because in previous days, when I had done those things, my body panicked and my pulse raced and my chest felt like I was having a heart attack.

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5 priceless gifts that you can give to your Pastor’s Wife

You see her every Sunday.  She comes rushing in, perhaps a little late, and finds her seat near the front row of the church.  Her arms are weighed down with stuff: her purse, her Bible and perhaps a diaper bag.  She plops her belongings down on the floor and takes a seat, and looks around to smile at everyone.  You imagine how wonderful her life must be, to be the wife of the pastor.  You make eye contact with her, smile, and nod your head.

Then perhaps your mind wanders a bit. Why wasn’t she at the last women’s outreach?  Why is her kid running wild through the sanctuary?  Why didn’t she reply to your last email?  Isn’t her skirt a little too short for a Sunday morning?  Why did she have dinner in a pub and post the picture on Facebook?   It’s easy to find a lot of ways to tear her down.  She is a pastor’s wife, after all, and you hold her to a very high standard.

Friends, she’s a woman, just like you, with insecurities, worries, wounds and fears.  Like you, she has a dishes to wash, bills to pay, kids to shuttle, and calls to return.  She also carries the burden of the church along with her husband.  She often has dinner alone. This woman needs help and support, not judgment and isolation.  You can be the source of help and support.   Yes, you.

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My dream job is to be a full time mentor

I don’t have a job.  I left my full time job as a nuclear engineer almost 20 years ago.  At that time, I became a stay-at-home mom, and then, a homeschooling mom. Now that my last child has graduated from high school, I find that I am jobless.  There is no need in my family for a stay-at-home mom, because children are no longer at home.  There is no need for a homeschooling mom, because both my children have graduated from high school and are in college.

I find that this transition from stay-at-home, homeschooling mom to an jobless, empty nester is a challenge.  I’m not ready for it, but it is upon me, and I can’t run from it.  It has chased me down.  So I must accept it.  Help me Jesus.

I have been dreaming with God about what my dream job would be.  I don’t want to be an engineer again, ever.  Surprisingly, I don’t want to be a famous blogger and speak at TED Talks.  I don’t want to open a eclectic shop and sell my happy note cards and creative garden art.  When I did some soul searching and dug deep down, I discovered what I am truly passionate about doing. The answer surprised me.

What I really want to do is mentor.  Full time.

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