I have secrets. Lots of them. I have thoughts and ideas and behaviors that I don’t share with anyone. Not even my best friend or my husband. I keep them to myself because I am afraid if I tell people the truth about me, they might not like me.

Women are amazing secret keepers. We don’t tell anyone about our crumbling marriages. We stay silent about the fears that keep us awake at night. We are ashamed of our immense debt and poor financial decisions. We aren’t honest about our health and mental battles.

Even though I am super-transparent and vulnerable on this blog, there are still things that I’ve kept to myself because I have thought that if you knew these things about me, you wouldn’t like me.   And deep inside, I really want people to like me.  Even at 47 years old.  My fear of rejection keeps my mouth locked up tight.

I’ve been married now for twenty-three years. There are many stories I can tell and blog posts I can write, drawing from my experience as a married woman. But I haven’t. I’ve posted around 200 blog posts in the last three and a half years, but none, I repeat none, have been about my marriage.

I’ve been hiding the truth about my marriage for a long time. And not because it is bad, but because it’s good.

About fifteen years ago, I went out to dinner with a group of my girl friends. It was a fun girls’ night with yummy food and entertaining conversation. But then the conversation turned to marriage. And husbands.

There was grumbling.
And complaining.
And one by one, these Christian women bashed their husbands.

And I sat silent.
Because I had nothing to bash my husband about.

And I felt like if they knew the truth about my marriage, and how good I had it, they wouldn’t like me. If people knew how great my marriage was, I would not fit in with them.  So I’ve kept my mouth shut about my marriage, both publicly and privately.

Here’s the truth about my marriage:

My husband, Brian, is amazing.
He works hard.
He serves his family tirelessly.
He reads his Bible every day.
He prays on during his to work.
He walks the dog at 6 am in 30 degree weather.
He rubs my back every night as he falls asleep.
He helps me implement my crazy gardening ideas.
He is in charge of the emptying the dishwasher and changing the sheets and folding the laundry, EVEN THOUGH I’M A HOUSEWIFE.
He doesn’t complain when yet another pair of shoes arrive via Amazon.

And he goes to craft stores with me and he takes me out to eat french fries and he will get up to get me more ketchup.  

He loves me. And pretty darn well, if you ask me.

My heart hurts for women who long for a husband like mine. I feel compassion on single women and divorced women and widowed women and women in unhappy marriages. And I’ve been afraid that out of jealousy, these women would not like me because of the wonderful marriage I have, just like we hated the Olsen’s on Little House on the Prairie because they were rich.

Recently, a friend encouraged me that just as I can encourage women in areas like grief and fear and insecurity, I also have wisdom to share about marriage and love and forgiveness and sacrifice. I have things to say that will help you.  So now I’m working on getting over the fear that you won’t like me because of my marriage.

So there it is. The truth about my marriage.

My desire is to use the stories of my life to bring hope and grace to you.  Even stories about my marriage. 

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